Sweets and I recently worked ourselves into a frenzy with a great anti-valentine idea. Inspired by released transcripts of public figures saying naughty and explicit things to the objects of their affection, we agreed that some of these catch phrases would be perfect on Conversation Hearts.
These little snippets of sexual insight serve as a wonderful reminder of the diversity of human desire. Photoshop helped create these naughty virtual Conversation Hearts, the perfect empty calories. The authors of these wittisms? Click on the hearts for the source.
Looking at a box of actual Conversation Hearts kind of leaves me cold. Are these suppose to inspire love? Are they flirting with me? Here’s what my recent box yielded in the way of messages:
- E MAIL (hmmm, not SHE-MALE?)
- PAGE ME (for your local drug dealer I imagine)
- GET REAL (ouch! Or maybe this is one for your virtual lover?)
- IT’S LOVE (I’m so relieved! And I thought it was herpes…)
- MY BABY (2nd in popularity to the YOUR BABY heart!)
- LOVE LIFE (well, I’m a fan of PRO-CHOICE)
- HEART OF GOLD (because WELFARE MOTHERS MAKE BETTER LOVERS doesn’t quite fit.
Making your own explicit conversation hearts is fairly easy provided you have the proper items on hand.
Materials needed:
- box of your favorite Valentine candy hearts
- sandpaper
- food coloring markers
First step, sand the pre-existing text off of the candy hearts. Place the sandpaper on a flat surface and rub the heart on it in a circular motion. A fairly fine grit will leave a smooth enough surface for writing on, without scratch marks. Oddly enough I found that the non-texted side of a heart doesn’t take up ink as well. It tends to bleed out and feather too much for legibility in this tiny space.
Brush off the powdery sugar residue and pen your own sayings with food coloring markers. The traditional color of ink for Conversational Hearts is red, however, fun could be had mixing up the colors of your text. Rubber stamps may work, if you have ones small enough to fit in the work area of a candy heart.
Give your dirty talking skills a fun practice run on these candies for your Valentine. Now that’s my style of aphrodisiac!
26 Comments
Too clever, McAuliflower! That falafel thing nearly killed me. Oh MY. I wonder if I could find those food coloring markers in a store somewhere nearby, since I fear it’s far too late to order them online in time for Valentine’s Day. Wish me luck…
- It was the Prince Charles one that got me the first time I heard it. I totally makes me cringe, but I knew I had to post it!
I found my markers in a local cooking supply store by their cookie cutters and what-nots. The first time I saw them I freaked, but then realized I shouldn’t buy them till payday, so I hid them in the store behind other merchanise! Bad, I know, but I made sure to rescue them
They’re around $16, but they really will last awhile.–McAuliflower
Those are wonderful! You know that you have a side business as an erotic baker just waiting to happen, right? Seattle used to have a place called Marzitarts (may still be there) with anatomically correct cakes. Great stuff.
Don’t forget the online version for virtual hearts!
http://www.acme.com/heartmaker/
- so that’ s how they do it! I’ve seen people using these generated hearts as forum avatars to cute effect.
–McAuliflower
Fun – you go girl!
wonderful.
I’m blushing! And having a hot flash!
Oh mom! Paula Dean had on the cutest apron today. It read: “I’m still a hot babe… it just comes in flashes!”… hee hee–McAuliflower
Hilarous… even better than the BitterSweets at despair.com.
-
Wow, those are cool! It took me a moment to realize that they’re real.
–McAuliflower
[...] The Easter retail season always delights me with the strange mixture of food and craft. You’ve got your wide selection egg dying kits, Jell-o egg molds, and Peeps decorating kits. This year I’m going to take some inspiration from the Naughty Candy Hearts project at Brownie Points and use some food coloring markers to decorate Cadbury mini eggs, draw bunnies on Necco wafers and perhaps deface some white jelly beans. [...]
Brilliant! Also could be used as a “break up” tool: “it’s ovr”, “‘heart’ no more”, “luv stinks”, “buh-bye”, etc. The list goes on!
(As far as stamps, you can find “do it yourself” stamp kits at most craft or office supply stores. Easier for the mass production aspect of this. Just rub the food-safe pen on the stamp each time)
- I do like the break up style ones! I played a little bit with stamps- the only ones I had that were small enough to fit were lead type. The metal didn’t quite work well to transfer the ink.
–McAuliflower
this is great! last year, i paid approximately $150 for customized hearts and it was a HUGE hassle – i’m a big nine inch nails fan and had ones that said “fistf*ck” on them, without the “*”
Ooo- cute!
I think the combo of the food coloring markers with maybe some small lettered rubber stamps could lend a real professional looking finish.–McAuliflower
Damn I wanna do this but I dont wanna kill someone by having them eat sandpapered hearts lol. Im trying to find BLANK hearts. The food color markers were an awesome idea. I may just get myself some even if I dont do this project. Pretty nifty. Are the hearts edible even after sanding them? That sounds like an odd question, but I never heard of food dye pens either. Im a Chef, not a pastry Chef lol. Thanks!
I don’t understand your concern over sandpapering the candy hearts(?), Of course they will be fine… the sandpaper doesn’t leave any residue on the candy. Food coloring markers can be found online.
Give it a try!
–McAuliflower
[...] If you can get to an edible marker, it appears that creating your own message heart candies is quite popular. Evil Mad Scientist encourages you to use them as trebuchet ammo, Hello My Name is Heather shows some delivering a personal message, and last year Brownie Points made some that were quite naughty. [...]
This is my new favorite website! You’re amazing… and your photography is great!
Thanks for the kind compliments Andrew! Glad to have you join me in my adventures.
–McAuliflower
So excited to give this a try.
[...] Brownie Points has a “naughty” idea for Valentine’s Day. Good for a laugh. [...]
If you can’t find food coloring markers, I know I’ve never seen them before, You could use an artists brush (size 0 or 00 would be fine) and just regular food die….you might also get away with using a toothpick.
Food Coloring markers are not that difficult to find. Here’s a link to a set. I bought mine at a local kitchen supply store. Using a brush and toothpick on these is a miserable experience- I don’t recommend it.
–McAuliflower
This is a great idea! I made them last weekend and they came out great. So glad I found your blog. Thanks!
Oh, shizz. I really wished that I’d seen this before tonight, as food safe markers probably won’t be available at the market.
Still, what an awesomely beautiful idea. Posting to delicious for next year!
Evil Mad Scientist has very legit looking stamped ones!
They look very authentic- great idea that also utilizes food coloring markers.
[...] You know those cute little conversation hearts? Ever wish they said something else? Well then this is a must see. Racy Valentine [...]
I am going to do that for my husband. He was just joking about conversation hearts and what if they came with words like f*ck me and s*ck my d*ck. He will crack up!
Tampon one is great
[...] own heart shaped box of candy from scratch is stunningly adorable (might i recommend cakeballs, or making your own conversation hearts?). or if you’re crap in the kitchen, just sherlock holmes your loved one’s favorite [...]
[...] This site shows a possible way of making your own as does this site [...]
[...] case you missed the “make your own conversation hearts” link from my way too long valentine’s [...]
These packs are really very superb and very attractively designed as well.
