”What is that noise?” exploded Hermione as she burst into the common room. The scene that awaited her didn’t exactly fully explain the roaring noise that had awoken her from her sleep.
”It’s eggs!” Ron grinned as he leaned across the table to snatch one of the purloined sausages Dobby had brought Harry from the kitchen. “Er… well not eggs, but toast for the eggs, ” he answered, brushing off an odd assortment of pocket lint, a dead goldfish, and what looked like a corn flake from the link.
Hermione did not look impressed that Harry and Ron were attempting to make breakfast for themselves. She was feeling the full extent of her first Quidditch practice and wasn’t accostumed to moving with this much pain. She noted two purple chickens sitting quietly on the table next to a small cast iron skillet as she hobbled towards the overstuffed chairs by the fire. “Quietus!” she said pointing her wand at the cloud of white specks whirling above Harry’s head with a loud roar. Lowering herself into the chair, with an “Ommph!” Hermione was so occupied with her soreness she didn’t even notice the extra Cushioning Charm Ron managed to sling under her before she sat down.
”Sorry Hermione,” grimiced Harry, remembering the hit from the Bludger she had taken to the head after finally making it all the way around the pitch on Harry’s new hybrid broomstick. Harry remembered how sore he had been after his first Quidditch practice, and he didn’t get socked by a Bludger! Even with the lump on her head still seemingly growing larger, Harry thought Hermione was playing their Quidditch bet rather well. Afterall, Harry did dare to groom Crookshanks in exchange for Hermione’s Quidditch appearence; he even gave ole Crookshanks braids, though they looked like dredlocks from afar.
”I ‘spose this racket is from that food blog again?” accused Hermione as she glanced up at the cloud of bits that were still whirling above Harry. A few started to float to the table, landing on Ron who stuck out his tongue to catch a rather large blob that was starting to flutter down as well. Harry quickly disengaged his Reducto charm on the bread crumbs, while turning to face the increasingly bitter Hermione.
”And so what if it is?”
”Yeah,”chimed in Ron, “so what if it is; it tastes bloody good!” He had extended an arm up into the now still cloud above Harry and was swipping full handfuls into his mouth.
”So you’ve decided to try out an unknown, homemade recipe for Culinary Potions homework and see what happens?”
”Why does it matter if its homemade?” said Harry preferring to not bring up what other homemade websites he and Ron had been looking at late last night. “Just because its homemade, doesn’t mean it isn’t good!” Harry began the white fluffy bread crumbs mixing in a bowl with olive oil dribbling itself in.
”Because it’s probably not Magical Chef- approved,” said Hermione.
Both Harry and Ron shouted her down at once.
”My Mum isn’t a Magical Chef,” said Ron, startling the chickens who began to rapidly cluck. “But she’s a ruddy good cook! You try cooking for six boys and see if you have to be Magical Chef approved to make good food!” Bits of crumb had escaped from Ron’s mouth and were fluttering about the room.
”Using Reducto Charms to make bread crumbs?” said Hermione as she brushed stray white bits from her robes. “That isn’t even in Culinary Potions and You. And what are in these?” she said smelling the crumbs that were stuck to her finger. “Who uses garlic in breakfast recipes?” Hermione wrinkled up her nose as she sniffed again. “Or is that something you ate, Ron?”
”I use garlic,” said Ron, “to chase away those dingy Gnomes that sleep under my bed…”
”My Dad used garlic,” said Harry. “Flagrate!” he continued while drawing a circle across the bottom of the cast iron skillet with his wand. “He would make garlic omlettes. Besides, I’ve read the recipes on Brownie Points a ton of times; they sound good…”
”Well, maybe your Dad did use garlic in his breakfast,” said Hermione, “but I bet he never would have been influenced to perform April Fools pranks like those awefull tricks listed on that website!”
Harry stared at her. The warm smell of toasting garlic and breadcrumbs started to waft upwards. His and Ron’s April Fools tricks hadn’t gone undetected by Hermione. Fortunately the Ministry of Magic was clueless.
”That wasn’t awefull!” Ron said robustly. “Willett’s little brother ended up keeping the snake. Besides, it even said it liked Golden Puffs didn’t it Harry.”
”What?”said Harry his head snaping up from the chickens. They were needing more coaxing than usual to give him eggs this morning.
”The snake,” said Ron. “He liked the Golden Puffs didn’t he? I mean we could have gotten Wheat-a-bix…”
”Diffindo!” said Harry cracking two eggs he had finally wrestled from the chickens into his pan of breadcrumbs. “Yeah, Golden Puffs.”
”But in the long run you really don’t know how these recipes are going to turn out!” said Hermione, her cheeks reddening. “I just think it’s irresponsible, what if you get poisoned?” she said sniffing at what definitly smelled like vingar in the air. ” And stop talking about ‘Brownie Points’ as if its a real name, it’s just a silly website name, and they aren’t even a chef!”
Harry clamped a lid on top of his skillet and started to count under his breath. “Well, we can’t all be chefs Hermione,” Harry checked under his lid at the eggs progress in the skillet. “Accio!” a plate came zooming across the room, upsetting the candle that had been sitting on top of it. Ron ducked quickly, the plate just skimming over his hair. Harry slid the contents of the skillet onto the plate, which he wiped off on his robe, not sure how well PoisonBerry Candle smell would go with breakfast. “We can’t all be chefs” Harry continued, “some of us have to be eaters!” He held the plate out to Hermione as Ron rushed over with a glass of orange squash.
”Oh!” exclaimed Hermione eyeing the plate held under her nose. “For me?” She was awefully suspicious, but she began to realize she was more hungry than wary of what that website was feeding to its readers. “The garlic would kill anything wrong with the eggs…” she trailed off as she reached over for a fork. The egg laying chickens clucked at the implied insult to their eggs and flew up to the fireplace mantle where they started to turn green as they began to peck at the dead flower arrangement. Hermione’s fork crunched down into the eggs. She looked up at Harry startled that such a sound should come from the eggs.
”Go on,”said Harry, waiting to see what Hermione’s verdict of the Crispy Eggs with Instant Toast would be.
”Gosh these are really good Harry!” she said putting a second forkfull in her mouth.
”See I said they tasted good!” said Ron grinning.
”Well, they’re even better cooked,” she said hovering a forkful at Ron who snaped on it like a turtle.
”Blimey Harry! You’re legit!” Ron beamed, as he looked back at the table to see if there were more ingredients for a second batch.
”So do you still think you might be poisoned by a Brownie Points recipe?” said Harry sarcastically.
Hermione looked up at Ron and Harry’s expecting faces. Picking up her fork she waved it over her empty plate.
”Ovo Disapparate!” she grinned as she bent over to lick the last lingering breadcrumbs over the objections of the clucking chickens.
Crispy Eggs with Instant Toast, ala Muggle
adapted from recipe in Judy Rodgers’ the Zuni Cafe Cookbook, as read in the Best American Recipes 2003 – 2004
Take a couple of slices of stale good bread (ciabatta or sourdough) and bash them up in the food processor. You’ll want at least enough for 3Tbs of crumb mixture per serving. While you’re at it, process with the bread crumbs:
- one oz of parmesean
- one garlic clove
- a couple of pinches of fresh thyme leaves
- one pinch of salt
It’s good to make up this batch of tasty crumbs large enough for several servings so that you can just reach into the refigerator for crumbs next time you want to make these eggs.
For one serving of two eggs, measure out 3 Tbs of your flavored crumb mixture into a small bowl. Drizzle in about one Tbs of olive oil and mix together, making small goey clumps of the bread crumb mixture.
Add the oiled crumb mixture to a warm nonstick or cast iron skillet and begin to gently heat. When the crumbs show the first signs of toasting, slip two cracked eggs on top of the crumb mixture and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Put a lid on top of the skillet and cook your eggs to your favorite level of doneness (I’m an over-easy gal, so this lid step helps facilitate the top of the egg getting set while not over-cooking the bottom of the eggs).
When the eggs are cooked just right, slip them off onto a plate and quickly whirl around 1 tsp of good vinegar (sherry vinegar was especially good) into your heated skillet. Heat the vinegar just briefly (or it will all evaporate up your nose!) and drizzle over your eggs and serve immediately.